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call me a taxi 6/5/2015
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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funny Johny 6/5/2015
Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny,
from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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i'll show them that i am the boss 6/4/2015
The Board of Directors of a very large company felt it was
time for a corporate shakeup and hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning
against the wall. The room was full of workers so he decided
to take this opportunity to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked ...
3 Comments, 138 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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Adam and Eve !!! 6/4/2015
One day the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating
the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered,
"Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?'"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve
by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later,
Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And ...
3 Comments, 130 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
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what the heck? 6/4/2015
A wrinkled little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner
in Chicago for a dollar a piece. Every day a young man would
leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed
the pretzel stand, he would leave her a dollar. He never
took a pretzel. This went on for three years. The two of them never spoke.
One day as the young man passed the pretzel stand and left
his usual offering, the ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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granpie knows bess 6/4/2015
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson
to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you
to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember
me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about
you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness,
you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Best Senior Sex 6/2/2015
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together
in a small town. The husband leans over and asks his wife,
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together
over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you
leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes, " she says, "I remember it well."
"OK, " he says, "how about taking a stroll
round there again ...
0 Comments, 112 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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The leg title 6/2/2015
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
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Perfect 6/2/2015
The Perfect . A: I have the perfect . B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect . How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
0 Comments, 8 Views,
0 Votes
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Reluctant 5/31/2015
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell
him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons, " he said. "(1)
they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons
why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) ...
2 Comments, 332 Views,
16 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Sunday Mass 5/31/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
2 Comments, 99 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Sunday Mass 5/31/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Morning Sex 5/31/2015
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that
she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose ...
0 Comments, 135 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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HUSBAND &WIFE 5/29/2015
Haii friends.I hope that, you are very laughing after
reading the joke. A HUSBAND and WIFE trying to set up a new password to their
computer Then HUSBAND puts, "MYPENIS ";and the WIFE
falls on the ground laughing, because on the screen it says " ERROR, NOT LONG ENOUGH
0 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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father &funny 5/28/2015
a teacher asked jimmy;', ,why is your cat at school
today jimmy''. jimmy replied crying "Because
I heard tell my mummy, I am going to eat that p*ssy once jimmy
leaves for today
3 Comments, 55 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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men vs women!!! 5/27/2015
human body…
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to
your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his
thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Court Proceedings 5/24/2015
These are from a book called “Disruption in Court"
and are things people actually said in court, while the
exchanges were taking place.
Word for word, taken down and published by court reporters
that had the torment of staying calm
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset ...
6 Comments, 144 Views,
13 Votes
,4.99 Score
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what happens when the train.comes? 5/24/2015
A lonely wife was living in a small house near the railroad.Her
husband was at work.She was very hot and wanted sex with
someone.She called the carpenter saying:my cupboard
squeeks everytime the train comes, so I want you to fix
it.The carpenter camefinding her in a very sexy lingerie, her
boops wrre showing and her pussy uncovered.The carpenter
became sweaty and embarassed.She told him;the ...
3 Comments, 169 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
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There's trouble in paradise 5/20/2015
The graveside service just barely finished, when there
was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt
of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling
in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there!!
1 Comments, 91 Views,
12 Votes
,4.57 Score
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Changing times? 5/20/2015
A man went into a watchmakers shop went up to the female assistant
& slapped his penis onto the counter. The shocked assistant
said "sir this is a clock shop not a cock shop"!
The man looking at his penis replied "yes I know, so
could you please put 2 hands & face on that"?!!!
1 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score
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or what? 5/20/2015
A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t
wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor
tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and
hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office.
The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want
to have sex with her husband? “Oh, ...
1 Comments, 218 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score
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father? 5/18/2015
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised,
answers, Well, , a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and
firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice,
hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions. Onions? the
asks. Yes. You see them and they make you cry.This ...
2 Comments, 85 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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Babies? 5/18/2015
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in Mother, where do babies come from? The mother thinks for
a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in
love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom,
they kiss and hug, and have sex. The looks puzzled
so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis
in the mommy’s vagina. That’s ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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smart 5/9/2015
Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman all die on Christmas
Eve. They reach the gates of Heaven and St. Peter is waiting
on them. " Hi guys" he says. "Now unfortunately
you all died on Christmas Eve, so what I want you to do is each
put your hand into your pockets and pull out something that
represents Christmas." So the English man put his hand into his pocket and pulls
out a cigarette lighter. ...
2 Comments, 155 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
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The golfer and a homeless man 5/4/2015
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man
who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some booze with
it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ” the homeless
man replied. "Will you spend this on ...
2 Comments, 238 Views,
16 Votes
,5.19 Score
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those idiots!!!! 5/3/2015
a takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming
from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an
old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost, ”
says the relieved
. “What are you
doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots, ” grumbles ...
3 Comments, 160 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
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jokes 4/28/2015
so this guy walks into a bar....
0 Comments, 118 Views,
19 Votes
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Four hour erections 4/27/2015
You've seen the commercials - "An erection lasting
more than 4 hours". But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection
lasting more than 4 hours?
I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist
as she and her sister owned the store, and there were no male
employees. She then asked ...
5 Comments, 322 Views,
23 Votes
,6.28 Score
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mugged 4/25/2015
Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a
ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck
a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money, " he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't
do this - I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case, " replied the robber, "give
me MY money!" 
2 Comments, 98 Views,
21 Votes
,5.11 Score
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Job Search 4/25/2015
Mike saw a job advertised in the paper, Man wanted with good sense of smell
When mike arrived at the address he was surprised to see
it was a private house. I came about the Job mike said to the kamp looking guy that
answered the door.
I will have to test your sense of smell...ok said Mike.
Put on this blindfold and tell me what you smell, mike sniffed
and beamed out AN ...
3 Comments, 193 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score
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