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Square testicles 4/23/2015
Can not take credit, received as an email.
> An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada
one > morning with a purse full of money.. She wanted to open
a > savings account and insisted on talking to the president
of > the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of > money. > After many lengthy discussions > (after all, the is always right) an employee
took the > elderly woman to ...
4 Comments, 200 Views,
24 Votes
,6.54 Score
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Dirty Kokes 4/21/2015
A funny adult sms Sardar:Will U Marry me? Girl:Sorry I’m a Lesbian. Sardar:”Whats Lesbian?” Girl:”I have Sex only with Girls”. Sardar:”Maar Taali I’m also Lesbian”
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps
into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Goblins? 4/18/2015
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when
she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
You're a goblin, she says, I caught you and you owe me
three wishes! . So the goblin replies OK, you caught me fair
and square, what's your first wish? . The woman stops
and thinks for a second, I want a huge mansion to live in.,
goblin replies OK, you've got it.. ...
0 Comments, 168 Views,
18 Votes
,5.31 Score
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Airplane? 4/18/2015
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps
up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die,
I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone
on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, Here, iron this!
0 Comments, 80 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Couple? 4/18/2015
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th
anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening
25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, When you first
saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through
your mind?
The husband replied All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains
out, and suck your tits dry
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
16 Votes
,4.30 Score
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ask the darnest things!! 4/18/2015
A MOTHER AND HER YOUNG WERE FLYING FROM TAMPA TO TORONTO.
THE LITTLE BOY HAD BEEN LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. HE ASKED HIS MOTHER, IF BIG DOGS HAVE BABY DOGS, AND BIG CATS
HAVE BABY CATS, WHY DON’T BIG PLANES HAVE BABY PLANES?
THE MOTHER COULDN’T THINK OF AN ANSWER.
SHE TOLD HER DON’T BOTHER ME GO ASK THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT.
HE WENT DOWN THE AISLE TO THE ...
3 Comments, 254 Views,
26 Votes
,6.15 Score
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Dear? 4/17/2015
Little Johnny's first grade class was playing Name
That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked
What Animal is this?
A cat! said Suzy.
Good job. Now, what's this Animal?
A dog!" said Ricky.
Good. Now what Animal is this?" she asked, holding
up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher
said, ...
0 Comments, 120 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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The Government?? 4/17/2015
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the
government
so for homework that one day, she told her her students to
ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad
and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look
at it this way
I'm the president, your mom is ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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Sex in the dark 4/14/2015
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark
forest.
After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says,
"Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."
The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass
for the past ten minutes!"
1 Comments, 51 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Ridem Cowboy 4/14/2015
The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first
time he'd been off the farm.
He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford
a classy hotel.
Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like
to hire your best room for a week"
"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist.
"Would you like the Bridal"?
The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said ...
1 Comments, 113 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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U Speaka Da English? 4/14/2015
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage
in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized
when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come one ...
1 Comments, 104 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score
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Fascinate 4/13/2015
Teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate'
in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my
granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was
fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to
use the word 'fascinate’, not ‘fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to
see RockCity and I was ...
4 Comments, 219 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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lol 4/9/2015
A man walks into a bar all distressed...
He looks at the bartender and say please give me 5 shots of
whiskey.
The bartender noting something was wrong asks what the
problem is.
"I just found out my brother is gay, and I'm here
to drown my sorrows."
A couple nights later the same guy comes in hanging his head
and orders another 5 shots.
Bartender ...
5 Comments, 240 Views,
25 Votes
,5.79 Score
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Confession 4/7/2015
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly
fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy,
I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that
hat. I know that ...
3 Comments, 214 Views,
21 Votes
,5.60 Score
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Senior Sex 4/5/2015
Maude and Claude, both 81, lived in The Villages, in Florida.
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over
time that they enjoyed each others' company. After
several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude
out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic
restaurant in town. Despite their ages, they ...
0 Comments, 204 Views,
18 Votes
,6.40 Score
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Preparing Breakfast 4/5/2015
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that
she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, “You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose ...
0 Comments, 189 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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teacher 4/5/2015
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny
asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
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awesome 4/5/2015
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
1 Comments, 85 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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hahaha 4/5/2015
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come
from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well
dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That
means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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jinny 4/5/2015
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school
today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because
I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that
p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
0 Comments, 30 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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one wish 4/4/2015
Bill Clinton was driving when he accidentally ran over
a dog, crushing it flat as a fucking pancake. He climbed
out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught.
Then Bill noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug
it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out.
"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment, "
said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant ...
2 Comments, 151 Views,
13 Votes
,3.98 Score
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golfer 4/3/2015
A small private plane was flying over southwest Florida
when all of a sudden the engine died, miles away from any
airport.
The pilot turned to his wife and said, “Don’t worry,
Honey, there are dozens of golf courses in this area. I’ll
just land on the next one I see.”
To which his wife screamed, “What you mean ‘don’t
worry?’ I’ve seen you play! You’ll never ...
1 Comments, 125 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score
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congratulations!!!!! 4/3/2015
a man walks up to woman in the bar and buys her a drink
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence. Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby.. Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A CoIncidence I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs my Hens, didnt lay any eggs Today All are Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did ...
0 Comments, 121 Views,
11 Votes
,3.73 Score
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dwl 4/3/2015
An old guy walks into a bar...
And sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
#1 CHEESE-BURGER: $1.50 #2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 #3 HAND-JOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks
up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally
attractive women serving drinks to a group of scruffy looking
men.
"Yes?" she ...
1 Comments, 138 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score
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mothers are too smart !!! 4/1/2015
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between John and his roommate and this only made her more
curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and
the roommate than met the ...
1 Comments, 184 Views,
12 Votes
,5.98 Score
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blondes!!! 4/1/2015
A blonde walks into a used appliance store. The clerk approaches
her and asks if she needs help. She then says "I'd
like to buy that TV in the front window." The clerk
says " I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So, the blonde leaves in a huff and highly offended. She
goes home and changes her clothes, puts on a brunette wig,
dark glasses, and a scarf. Then she returns to the store
and asks the ...
0 Comments, 137 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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More Jokes on Sunday Funday! 3/29/2015
****** A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.
The bartender looks over and yells, "Hey, buddy,
You have to get that gator outta here! He's gonna end up snappin' at
one of my customers and get me sued!"
The guys replies to the bartender, "No no, this gator
is tame and very well behaved...he won't do anything.
Here, I'll show you."
The guy lifts the alligator up and ...
2 Comments, 125 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Sunday Funday Jokes! 3/29/2015
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you going today?" the man asks. "I'm going to give blood." replies the
woman. "How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
he asks. "About twenty dollars." she says. "Wow, " he says, "I'm going up to
donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays a hundred dollars."
The woman angrily storms off the elevator. The very next day, the man and woman are in the ...
2 Comments, 115 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Chicken-fuckers 3/29/2015
A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's
hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot
if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's
head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot
humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal
dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot ...
1 Comments, 156 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
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Couple of funnies 3/25/2015
“A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After,
he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The
mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days
later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and
daddy baking a cake in the living room?" She said yes,
and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I
licked the frosting off the couch! It was sweet!”
“A man and a woman were ...
2 Comments, 90 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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