|
Are Cows funny? 2/4/2015
Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.
Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic,
psycowolgy, cowculus
And Finally......
Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf? A: Decalfenated
1 Comments, 19 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
Really Bad Jokes (Lame Bad, Not Good Bad) 2/4/2015
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha,
pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine
jackpot!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for
warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I
don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house
by noon!"
"My husband's going to a casino in central Asia.
"Tibet?" "Of course, why else would he
go!"
Q: Why isn't ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
On Average 2/3/2015
On average, an American man under 75 will have sex two to
three times a week, whereas a Japanese man the same age will
have sex only one or two times a year.
This is very upsetting news to many of my friends, as they
had no idea they were Japanese.
0 Comments, 71 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
it doesn't matter 2/3/2015
A truck driver spots a guy with long blond hair halfway down
his back walking on the side of the highway, so he decides
to pick him up. A mile into the ride the hitchhiker says,
"I'll bet you thought I was a chick with all this
hair". The trucker says, "It doesn't matter
to me, I'm gonna fuck ya anyway.
0 Comments, 55 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
it doesn't matter 2/3/2015
A truck driver spots a guy with long blond hair halfway down
his back walking on the side of the highway, so he decides
to pick him up. A mile into the ride the hitchhiker says,
"I'll bet you thought I was a chick with all this
hair". The trucker says, "It doesn't matter
to me, I'm gonna fuck ya anyway.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Phone Call 1/28/2015
A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her
phone rings.
She picks up; the man looks over at her and listens.
She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so
glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm
so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks.
Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh, " she replies, . ...
0 Comments, 233 Views,
11 Votes
,5.41 Score
|
|
onion 1/28/2015
On dinner, asks father: How many kinds of boobs r here?
DAD: 3 kinds, In 20s like oranges, round n firm. In 30-40 like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. Aftr 50 like onions, u see them nd they make u cry.
4 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
|
|
GUESS WHO? 1/28/2015
There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant !! Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2 Comments, 62 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
|
|
Johnny Sperm 1/27/2015
Little Johnny Sperm was in training. He knew his big day
was coming and he vowed to be ready. He ran every day. He lifted
weights every night. Finally one day it was time. He approached
the starting line and was itching to go. His goal was to impregnate
a womb. The gate opened and he took off. He was well ahead
of the other sperm. As he approached the end of the tunnel
he screeched to a ...
1 Comments, 141 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
Oh I need...... 1/27/2015
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny
passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body
and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several
times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.
When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
Boy N Dad 1/26/2015
A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?"
Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way:
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call
me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator
of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're
here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the
People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working
Class. And your baby brother, we'll ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
9 Votes
,5.78 Score
|
|
wouldnt you? 1/25/2015
Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed
the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think
much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob
really got worried. However, since the only time they ever
got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where ...
4 Comments, 175 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
|
|
Golfing Priest 1/23/2015
Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was
an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf. He told the Associate Priest
that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for
him that day.
The moment the Associate Priest left the room, Father Murphy
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he ...
0 Comments, 165 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
|
|
Blondes 1/22/2015
Why did the Blonde have TGIF written on her socks
Toes Go In First
What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?
The winner of LAST years hide and seek contest.
What do you call a Brunette standing between two Blondes?
A translator.
What have you got if you have four Blondes standing ear to
ear in a row?
A wind ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
|
At the DR's office 1/21/2015
A man goes to his Dr and says his toes hurt. The Dr examines him and say the man has Toesilitus
So a week goes by and the man returns to the Dr and says now
his knees hurt. The Dr once again examines him and now tells him he has the
Kneesils.
Another week goes by and the man returns once again. As the
Dr enters the examine room the man jumps off the table and
says "Don't tell me ...
0 Comments, 151 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
|
|
The Blonde's ride 1/21/2015
O day a Blonde decided to go horseback riding. She approached
the and carefully got on sitting on the saddle placing
her feet in the stirrups. She took up the reins and the
started out at a slow gentle pace. Confident in her riding skills the Blonde urged the
faster and it picked up it's pace to a canter. The Blonde
thought to herself she was a better rider than just a canter
so she urged it ...
0 Comments, 186 Views,
10 Votes
,4.98 Score
|
|
Intelligence 1/21/2015
What do you call an intelligent Blonde
a Golden Retriever
What do you call an intelligent red head
An Irish Setter
1 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
The Ladies Room 1/21/2015
This guy was on a very long flight from LA to NY and after a
couple of drinks just had to go to the bathroom. He got up
from his seat and went to the bath rooms only to find all the
Men's rooms full or out of order. Well he had to go so
looking around he saw that one of the bath rooms marked Ladies
was empty. He was just about to enter it when one of the stewardess
asked him what he was doing ...
1 Comments, 175 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
|
|
ready and willing 1/20/2015
I'm not a gynecologist but I'll look at it
1 Comments, 43 Views,
9 Votes
,1.29 Score
|
|
limerick 1/20/2015
there was a trucker from Trent who had a prick so long it bent
to save himself trouble he stuck it in ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
hiway to hawaii 1/19/2015
a guy find's a bottle on the beach. he rubs it and out
comes a genie who tells him he will grant him one wish. the
guy asks for a road to Hawaii because he is afraid of flying
and gets very seasick . the genie replies do you realize
what that would involve? how much engineering, how much
steel, how much concrete ? be reasonable man. the guy says
ok just tell me how to understand women, what do ...
1 Comments, 64 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
|
|
LITTLE JOHNNY 1/19/2015
may be a duplicate but I didn't see it
Teacher asks the in class: "What do you want to
be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to
the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her
a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana,
a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite
Visa Card, and make love to her ...
2 Comments, 108 Views,
14 Votes
,5.06 Score
|
|
GOT TO LOVE BLONDES 1/19/2015
FIRST A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband
said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't
know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND Two blondes are walking down the street. One ...
2 Comments, 103 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
CROSSING THE SAHARA 1/19/2015
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without
warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed
their Situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest
spoke. 'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'
'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely
that we can survive More ...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
Note to drunken self 1/19/2015
when you see a very pretty girl and she tells you she is really
a boy, believe her. Do NOT say "There is no freakin way"...cuz when
she lifts up her skirt and proves it, your gonna stare.
0 Comments, 54 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
FALL IN 1850 1/19/2015
Do you know what happened this fall back in 1850? California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically nothing has changed except the women had real Boobs and the men didn't hold hands!
0 Comments, 33 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
|
|
FARM VISIT 1/19/2015
Teacher: Ok childern, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?
Sara? MOOOOOO she says Teacher claps, "thats right Sara" a cow
Ben? QUACK QUACK he says Teacher smiles, " very good Ben" a duck
Sally? BAAAAAAAAA he says Teacher claps, " thats very good Sally" a sheep
Johnny, what did you hear? GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR he says Teacher ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
|
|
DENTURES 1/19/2015
A couple old boys were golfing when one mentioned that he
was going to go to a Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the
morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the
very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did
he do a good job?"
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf
course yesterday when a guy on ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
|
|
ARTHRITIS 1/19/2015
A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
FORGOT MY GLASSES 1/19/2015
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside
restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they
left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses
on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had
been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite
a ...
0 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
|
